I'm Sorry
by MeinBritishBroski
Summary: dissolved!Prussia/Austria. Rated M for violence, non-con, ideologically sensitive material, sex, and major OOCness. I'm Sorry - Buckcherry


Everything was pleasantly painful, like his entire body was caught on fire - the fingers bruising his hips, the teeth marring the skin on his neck and shoulders, the pleasure in between his legs that was making him cry out; singing for the monster. The monster was unfolding him, studying him, crawling inside his head and melting his insides. To top it all off; the monster was telling him things, peppering him with pretty lies and promises. Literally eating his heart out and making him feel lost, hollow, no longer a person - but an item.

He hated this man.

They were not compatible - they never would be, either.

Oil and water; it wasn't healthy, but it wouldn't go away.

This demon, straight from the depths of hell... this demon, who had been burned and had rotted away - only to come back frozen and whole. He was hungry, this demon, this monster, this man. He was hungry and trusted no-one. No-one but him; his pet, his whore, his _engel._ Because his beautiful _engel_ was too afraid to stand up to the big bad demon, was too afraid to tell him 'no' and run away.

_There's nothing to run away from,_ Roderich thought. A strong haze engulfed his mind as he was torn over and over again, soon becoming spent with all the violent moves he had to make in response. _According to everyone, he doesn't even exist. That must mean I'm a madman for feeling something, someone, who isn't even here._

But the monster was here. He was stronger than ever, and angry - angry for dying alone. Angry because no one had jumped to his aid as he lie screaming on the cold concrete floor. No-one -not even Roderich - had tried to save him from the excruciating pain of dissolving.

Deep down he was sad.

He was lonely.

He was scared.

If his angel, his beauty, his _love_ was the only thing anchoring him to this world, then so be it. He would take him over and over, to the rhythm of his own heartbeat - fast, hard, angry and loveless. He would make his _engel_ bleed black and scream until his voice gave out, so they could be together, so he could feel the pain he had felt. So they could be bonded by the gore and the hatred and the need to escape.

His angel was spent, his pale chest fluttering up and down, violet eyes staring blankly up. The marks on his shoulders and neck were tender and pink, one of them was bleeding; teeth marks clearly visible. He leered over the spent man, pulled out slowly, and leaned down to kiss him chastely on his lush lips; pink and parted as he tried to breathe smoothly. Roderich's eyes slid closed as he was kissed, he tentatively open his mouth a bit wider to give the Prussin man more access to his mouth, but the demon wouldn't oblige and just pulled away.

Roderich made himself comfortable and tried to lure himself into false security, into sleep - covers pulled up to his chin, the warm pillow pressing against his cheek. His markings still stung, and they would all bruise and scab over, but he didn't particularly mind. He could cover them up and no-one would question him... he was too proper to be involved with a man such as Gilbert.

Speaking of the monster, he was sitting on the edge of the bed, scarred back facing Roderich. Long swooping scars - swords, whips, knives... even words were carved into his back - in all different languages and all different types of handwriting. Roderich wanted to touch him, to ask him what was wrong - but that was stupid, Gilbert wouldn't answer him. He never had. Never would.

He finally worked up the courage to extend his hand and rest his slender fingers on a particularly long scar on the small of Gilbert's back. Like lightning, Gilbert whipped around and grabbed Roderich's wrist tightly, painfully, jagged fingernails digging into the other's veins. Gilbert hissed and didn't let Roderich pull his hand away, even though he tried.

"Gilbert... let me go."

The monster didn't respond, but held Roderich's hand close to his lips, kissing each knuckle slowly, gazing at him with wide ruby eyes.

"Ich liebe dich, mein engel." _Thank you for letting me destroy you, for being so beautiful, for allowing me to taint you and make you into something new._

The monster released his hand and stood up, he tugged on his second skin and rolled his shoulders once, cracking the bones in his neck. He felt his lover's eyes watching him as he moved and collected his belongings, slinging them over on to his back. He left the room and went down the long, dark hallway, feeling the despair following after him. He knew Roderich cried when he left - maybe he didn't sob, or weep, but there were tears.

Someday Roderich would wear a silver band around his finger, and it would stand for everything they had - it would be the official marking. The marking that meant Gilbert was there, he was there, real. Roderich wasn't crazy and he would be reminded every minute of every day that he had managed to fall in love with the monster under and in his bed, the demon watching him from the closet, the window, lurking in the attic and the brute that didn't know the meaning of the word 'gentle'.

And Gilbert would someday look at his own ring on his finger in a new light - no longer a force of habit, but he would look at it and smile. Smile because he knew that his angel was his. He would be reminded of his own pain and the pain he was causing to his sweet, tainted lover. He would hate himself.

... He _did _hate himself.

Before he knew it his legs had guided him back to Roderich's room. His arms opened the door and his heart twisted horribly when he saw the hunched over form of Roderich, eyes covered with his hands, body shaking silently. Gilbert realized that he had a lot of things to say, he fingered the ring in his pocket with his fingers before taking it out and approaching his angel and sitting next to him.

The monster pried Roderich's hand away from his face and splayed his fingers, slipping the silver ring on to his ring finger and kissing it softly.

_I'm sorry I'm bad,  
>I'm sorry you're blue<br>I'm sorry about all the things I said to you,  
>and I know I can't take it back,<em>

"I'm sorry."

* * *

><p><strong>AN; **I'm not even sad today but I'm still writing stuff like this. :l  
>I got a new mouse today~ His name is Stanley and I love him to pieces. ;A;<p>

I have... two other things I'm supposed to be writing, three things I need to do for school... and I think we're going to an early Oktoberfest tonight so I'm happy... sauerkraut is the best thing everrr~

Please leave a review, lovelies~


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